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I will never have to entertain or please any of you ever again
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Date:2018-01-20 20:32
Subject:I forgot how to use Livejournal
Security:Public

There was macaroni & cheese. Macaroni & cheese. I've waded through an ocean of orcs and warlocks all slain by my hands. My broad sword now gleaming and dripping crimson red. I chose my gear carefully. The broadsword for equal rights; swords aren't just for broads anymore. I chose to forego a shield. I'd seen the tactic in Bloodborne on PS4. You can leave your left hand open for dual wielding or spell casting. You simply somersault out of the way to dodge incoming attacks. Turns out that doesn't actually work in real life. Dungeon floors aren't as forgiving on your diving, flipping body as the game would have you believe. After becoming only slightly concussed, I borrowed a steel wrapped shield from a fallen Uruk. I slashed, bludgeoned, and burned my way through what felt like 6 dozen foes.

14 Orcs
20 Mutant Dwarves (you can usually just stiff arm them and cast Thundaga directly into their eye sockets).
8 Werewolves, I think one of them might have just been a really hairy hockey player.
9 Excessively Angry Badgers (who incidentally didn't care).
4 Hockey Players (I have no explanation for this. Although that last werewolf would have completed their starting line).
7 Reanimated corpses.
and 1 Really Annoying Star Wars Fan. "If Obi Wan spent so much time with R2 in the prequel trilogy, then why doesn't he recognize him in the originals? Why would the ewoks have a dress in exactly Leia's size? Do you know how many languages C3P0 can speak fluently?" I just cast The Spell of Enough-With-the-Questions. Then he got sort of bored and just went home.

The battle was glorious.

Sorry, I'm getting way off track here. Let's get back to what's important: the macaroni & cheese. The cheese was molten, oozing and flowing over the walls of the bowl. You could still see the steam rising and dissipating into the stagnant dungeon air even though there was clearly no oven within at least 10 miles of where the noodles and curds found themselves. After such a glorious battle I expected treasure, fortune, rich stuff, but...macaroni & cheese?

It seemed off to eat something that had been sitting on the dank, moldy, rat-rittled dungeon floor for who knows how long, but I was famished after the carnage I'd left in my wake. Honestly, the Star Wars kid really took a lot out of me.

I dove in, grabbing mounds of pasta with my bare hands. It would have been considerate of whoever had left it to also leave a fork, but who am I to complain. Surely this dungeon enigma of a chef was doing God's work. Every mouthful hit my stomach as if I hadn't eaten in a fortnight. As I chewed the last bit of this mysterious delicacy..

♫Dun dun dun DUUUUUUUUN♫
"What the fuck was that?!"
Flooop, my max hearts increased!!

Awesome! Then I straight projectile vomited onto the corpse of a reanimated corpse (double corpse, is that like a double negative? Is it alive now? No, that doesn't make sense. Nevermind). I definitely have food poisoning. That was a bad idea. That parsley was probably just mold. I'm going to die here, but at least my final memory will be of the splendor of victory.

"Hey, I bet you don't know how many Dewbacks were in the original 1977 theatrical cut of the first Star Wars movie..."
"...Fuck."

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Date:2013-03-28 22:34
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I didn't know Easter was this Sunday.

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Date:2012-10-21 23:30
Subject:
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I surrender.

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Date:2012-06-30 12:34
Subject:
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why do I actively ensure that no one knows how I feel.

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Date:2011-06-17 22:28
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as I previously mention I've been going nonstop for a couple weeks now. I sacrificed my Friday night for the greater good. now I'm home doing nothing and hoping I can keep myself occupied or things are going to catch up with me.

Posted via LiveJournal app for Android.

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Date:2010-10-14 11:50
Subject:
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I hate that I have to make myself feel bad for being friends with one of the few people that I feel comfortable around.

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Date:2009-01-16 18:41
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i hope to be as cool as alcohol someday

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Date:2008-12-31 13:56
Subject:
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people have been telling me about this game mad world coming out for the wii so i looked up an article about it

i only read the first sentence of the article i didn't care about the rest i was fucking sold

"If you had asked me a year ago, I don't think I could have imagined that one day I'd bring up a question in an interview about performing a curb stomp using the Wii Balance Board."

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Date:2008-07-30 12:15
Subject:
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Today: If anyone wants to go to olive garden or ruby tuesday around 6 let me know

The 9th of August: Dave and Busters, Batman in IMax, and maybe beach. Let me know if you want to go soon because i want to get tickets at least week ahead of time

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Date:2008-04-05 15:51
Subject:
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Mood: lost all motivation

i can only take one course in the summer and one course in the fall, because those are the only ones available that i meet the prerequisites for

this fucking sucks

so i need to go for at least one more if not two more semesters than i planned and i have to quit my job to take classes in the spring because they aren't available at night or online. fuck

and to top it off, quitting my job for school means not moving out.

several plans have gone to shit in the past 2 days

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Date:2007-09-10 16:36
Subject:worst cover ever
Security:Public



I suffered now you have to


but here us the sweet version of it

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Date:2007-09-08 16:55
Subject:
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shoot 'em up

west springfield

9:20

yeeeeeaaah!

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Date:2007-04-24 19:12
Subject:
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hot fuzz
9:35
showcase
don't be gay

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Date:2007-04-12 20:29
Subject:
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Mood: drunk

If anybody knows a girl that has a tattoo on her right collar bone, tell her i said what's up and I've, for some reason, been dreaming of her lately.

Kind of an odd trait for a girl to have reoccurringly in dreams. It's not like when I've thought of a "dream girl" it ever included a specific tattoo. If I were to be walking down the street and saw a girl with that tattoo, I wouldn't be able to not go talk to her.

and seriously....turtles are natures suction cup

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Date:2007-04-01 18:46
Subject:
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i am fuckin' up wicked bad, and i'm wicked sorry

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Date:2007-03-26 21:34
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anyone know the number 426-5606?

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Date:2007-02-08 20:42
Subject:
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I've developed a bad case of "wii elbow"

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Date:2007-01-23 20:20
Subject:I don't know who this was, but it made me laugh
Security:Public

CaptDrunk420 (8:19:29 PM): lafleur?
JLafleat (8:19:44 PM): lafleche?
CaptDrunk420 (8:19:49 PM): n/m

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Date:2006-12-13 18:35
Subject:
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Peter Boyle died today, that's gay


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Date:2006-07-06 13:35
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Happy Birthday Julie!!!!

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